The Illusion of Progress - S1E4

This episode is for the woman who has been learning about money, researching her options, saving articles, listening to podcasts, and getting ready to take action, but whose financial life still may not be changing in the way she wants.

 We explore the difference between preparing to deal with money and actually coming into contact with it: the account, the number, the call, the document, the cash flow, the first real step.

 Through reflection and a guided nervous-system segment, this episode helps you begin navigating what happens in your body when you imagine taking real action with money.

  If this episode helped you make contact with something you recognize in yourself, leaving a rating on Spotify or Apple Podcasts takes about thirty seconds and helps the show find the next woman who needs it. Thanks so much if you do.

 The Rhythm of Money is a podcast for women in midlife who are ready to build a financial life that can sustain them abundantly, and for decades to come.  The show publishes weekly. Follow wherever you're listening so you don't miss what comes next. 

No financial advice is offered or implied. For guidance specific to your situation, consult a licensed financial professional. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome back to the Rhythm of Money. This episode is for the woman who has been getting ready to deal with her money in a better way, and for a very long time. Maybe you have browser bookmarks saved, articles, apps, websites, spreadsheets, podcast episodes, videos, all sorts of things that promise to help you get organized, understand more, and finally move forward with confidence. Maybe you've told yourself that once life calms down a little, once things are in a better place, or once you understand just a bit more, then you'll make the time to finally do the thing all that research has been preparing you to do. You're not exactly ignoring money, you're researching it. And if that sounds familiar, you're in the right place today, because today we're going to look at the difference between preparing to change your financial life and actually taking the first real steps into that change. If this is your first time here, this show is built as a progression. Each show builds on what came before. Episode two is especially important for what we're doing today, because that's where we introduced the reset. That simple pause, breath, body, choice. That may sound small, but it matters a lot because choice has to become available in the actual moment you're living. That's where something new can begin to enter your real life. So if you've been using the reset, even once or twice, we're going to build on that today. And if you haven't yet, that's okay. You can still stay with this episode. Just know that we're working with that basic skill. Pause, breath, body. In the last episode, we talked about the pattern of always giving, the way energy can keep moving out and out and out while receiving feels awkward, unfamiliar, or even wrong. And I asked you to notice just once, before something moved out of you, whether money, time, attention, whether it was coming from the part of you that wanted to give, or the part of you that didn't know how to not give. Some of you may have noticed something right away. Others may have gotten very busy this past week and not quite gotten to it. I want to talk to that second group for a bit. I'm not calling anyone out. I'm pointing to something that may be happening inside that busyness. Something that isn't laziness and isn't avoidance in the way we usually mean those words. It's something more specific, and it has a shape I want to show you. Because there's a kind of busyness that looks responsible from the outside, but keeps you from the very action that would begin to change things in the direction you want. Once you see the shape of it, you may recognize it in more places than you expect. Here's what I've seen over and over. There's a particular kind of woman who is very, very busy with money. She reads about it, she listens to podcasts about it, she watches videos, she follows people online who talk about saving, investing, budgeting, retirement, debt, money beliefs, all of it. She has learned a lot. She has developed opinions about what she should probably be doing. She may even know quite a bit. So from the outside, and honestly from the inside too, it doesn't feel like she is avoiding money. By any reasonable measure, she is engaged with money all the time. And yet her actual financial picture may not be changing very much. The taxes still get pushed close to the deadline. The rollover she has been meaning to handle is still sitting in the old high-fee account. The will still needs updating. The trust still hasn't been created. The cash flow hasn't been looked at clearly. The credit card balances may still be creeping up instead of reaching zero. Or the money is still sitting in a place she knows is not really serving her. And she can't quite figure out why. Because she is trying. She really is. What's happening is this. Getting ready to deal with money and actually dealing with money are two very different experiences, even when they feel similar from the inside. They both feel responsible. They both feel productive. They both give you the feeling that you're engaged and therefore you're making progress. But they don't produce the same result. You can research investing for years without ever investing a dollar. You can read every book about debt without moving one number. You can listen to every episode of every money podcast, and I do hear the irony in saying this, without ever opening the account, making the call, writing down the balances, or looking at the number you've been avoiding. Getting ready has value. Understanding matters. Knowledge matters. And honestly, just feeling less alone in this matters. But preparation only helps when it eventually leads to contact with the real thing, the real account, the real phone call, the real document, the real choice. That gap, the space between knowing and doing, is where a lot of financial lives quietly stall out. And usually there's a reason the actual step keeps being postponed. Sometimes it's a legitimate reason. The timing really isn't right, and you're clear about when it will be. But sometimes fear puts on the costume of a very reasonable explanation. And the preparation? The reading, the listening, the researching, the planning. That fills that space in a way that feels like forward movement. It feels productive. It feels better than doing nothing. But it may also be draining your energy and delaying the action that would actually change something. It gives you the illusion of progress. And I want to be careful here because the illusion of progress can be very soothing. It lets you stay close to the thing you want without requiring you to face whatever is really in the way of having it. I know this from my own life. I've had times when I consumed enormous amounts of information about something I wanted, while quietly postponing the one thing that would actually move it forward. And I had reasons. Some of them were good reasons, some of them were real constraints. But the research kept going on long after more information was what I needed. Because researching felt like doing something. And doing something often feels better than stopping long enough to ask the real question underneath. What is actually in the way here? That's the question this episode is asking. What is actually in the way? I want to be honest with you about something. This podcast can become part of the getting ready. I'm saying that because it's true, and I would rather say it clearly now than have you spend months feeling like you're doing the work while the actual work keeps waiting for you. The episodes in this show are meant to move you toward real fulfillment in your actual life. That includes insight, it includes relief, it includes the feeling of being understood, because that matters. And it also has to touch something solid and real, a real memory, a real number, a real account, a real choice, a real action. So if you notice that you are listening, nodding, feeling seen, maybe even feeling moved, but then consistently do not do the invitation during the following week. That's information. There's no shame in that, but it's worth noticing. So let me ask you something, and I want you to consider it honestly. When you think about actually sitting down and adding it all up, adding up the balances in all your accounts, adding up what you owe on all your cards or loans, then subtracting one from the other and looking at the number that's left. What happens in your body as you think about that? Don't rush to answer that. Let it fully land as you're imagining doing this before you answer. Maybe there's a tightening or a holding of your breath. Maybe there's a low-level resistance that doesn't quite have words. Maybe it does have words. Maybe the words sound something like this. Not yet. I'm not ready. I need to understand more first. I need the right system. I need to be in a better headspace. I have too much to do today. This will put me in the wrong mood for doing it. I'll do it when I can really focus. Yeah, those thoughts can feel like wisdom. They can feel like the voice of someone being careful and responsible. Someone who wants to do this right. But there is another possibility. Those thoughts may be protection. Protection from something that happened the last time you looked, or something you're afraid you'll see if you look now? Or something older than that. A feeling you absorbed so early that you don't even remember learning it. Maybe it came from someone else's experience with money. Maybe it came from watching what money did in your family. Maybe it came from being blamed, shamed, dismissed, or overwhelmed at a time when you did not yet have the power to choose anything different. Or maybe the feeling is that seeing the full picture will mean something about who you are. That the number will be a verdict. That if things are not where they are supposed to be, that tells you something final about your worth, your intelligence, your choices, or your life. That is not a spreadsheet problem. That is the vow we talked about in episode one wearing a different outfit. And the way through it is the reset. Followed by one real act of engagement. Pause, breath, body scan. Then the next concrete step. It doesn't have to be perfect. You don't have to have everything organized. You don't need the ideal app, the perfect system, or one more article. Open the account. Make the phone call. Schedule the appointment. Write down the balances. Look at the cash flow. Move from preparing toward contact. That's where things begin to change. Let's take a few minutes with this now. Let what we've been talking about move from your head into your body where it can actually do something. If you're driving, keep your attention where it needs to be. Let this next part simply be background. For everyone else, let your attention come to your body. Let your shoulders soften a little. Let your jaw release. Let the breath become just a bit fuller than it was. Notice the ground beneath you. Something steady is holding you right now. See if you can feel that. Now bring to mind one thing you have been getting ready to do with your money. Just one thing. One particular thing you've been researching, thinking about, or meaning to handle. And now imagine yourself actually doing it. Maybe you're opening a new savings account with a higher interest rate. Maybe you're calling about an old retirement account from a previous job. Maybe you're writing down your current credit card balances and the interest rates on each one. Or you're looking at what came in and what went out last month on all your accounts. Maybe you're scheduling the appointment to update the will. Whatever it is that's really going on in your life. People are doing a lot of different things. But choose one. And in your mind, let yourself see the actual steps. For example, if getting a clear picture of your net worth, you're on your laptop. You navigate to the first website, your hand is on the keyboard, you're typing in your login details. Now you see the numbers. You make the clicks and the taps that are the doing of it, getting the numbers from here to there and adding them up. See it clearly enough for it to feel like it's happening in real time, step by step. Whatever the thing you've been avoiding is, imagine doing that right now. Now notice what is happening in your body as you imagine yourself doing it. Is there tightening? A low-grade dread? A foggy feeling, like your mind suddenly doesn't want to think clearly. Spacing out? Or a voice that starts giving you reasons why now is not quite the right time. Maybe it says you still don't know enough. Maybe it says you'll do it wrong. Maybe it says you'll make a mess you won't know how to clean up. Just notice, don't argue with it. Don't try to force it away. Just see it the way you would see something through a window. Once you have a feeling of it, now try the reset. Pause. Take one breath all the way in, all the way out, and scan your body. Where in your body are you reacting right now? Where do you feel the imagined action really landing? In your chest? In your stomach? Your throat? Your shoulders? Just notice. From this place, maybe only slightly more subtle than you were a moment ago. Bring that same action to mind again. Does it feel any different? It may still feel uncomfortable. It may still feel tender. It may still feel like something in you would rather put it off. But see if there is even a little more room around it now. A little more breath. A little more space. A little more ability to choose. It may not remove the feeling or make you eager, but it can create enough room to take one real step. Take a deeper breath now. Come fully back to where you are. In that particular place on this particular point in time. Good work. You looked at the doing of the thing and you let yourself feel it without running away. I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to do that. And you did it. In this episode, we've been looking at the many ways we can avoid the very actions that would give us more of what we want and less of what we don't want. And I want to point out one more piece of this. Avoidance is not always about judgment or old programming. Sometimes it's that getting ready keeps you in motion without requiring conflict. There may be conflict with other people, but often the conflict is inside yourself. Because there are competing desires in you, competing beliefs, competing fears, competing loyalties. You are complex. There is never just one hidden script running underneath everything. When you're learning, researching, planning, and preparing, you can keep moving without having to make a real choice yet. You can stay in the movement of almost, almost ready, almost clear, almost prepared. But once you commit to one path, other parts of you may start making noise. A part that wants security, a part that wants freedom, a part that fears being judged, a part that doesn't trust itself, a part that doesn't want anyone else to be uncomfortable, a part that doesn't want to feel controlled, a part that wants change, and a part that fears what change will require. That can feel like mayhem inside. But today, you practice breathing while looking directly at one real action. Even if you only imagined it, your nervous system still got a taste of something important, and it learned. You can face the thing without bursting into flames. You can breathe through it. You can feel resistance and still choose to take the next step. Here is the invitation for this coming week. The thing you brought to mind during this episode, that one particular money action you've been getting ready to do, take a first real step with it before the next episode. And by real step I mean something your body does. Type something, tap something, write something, speak something. So open the account, write down the balances, list what came in and what went out last month, make the phone call, schedule the appointment. Whatever your one thing is, take the first pass at it. It doesn't need to be perfect. It doesn't need a five-part strategy attached. It doesn't need to become a whole financial overhaul. Just get off zero. That is the whole invitation. You don't have to move on to step two. You don't have to choose the perfect investments for that new account. You don't have to clean up your entire financial life this week. This is simply where you cross the line between preparing and doing. One real act, that small first act by itself, changes a lot. And use the reset as often as you need to. Before you begin, while you're doing it, if you need to pause for five seconds, five times in five minutes, do that. No shame. That's how your system begins to learn. This is uncomfortable, but I can stay with myself through it. Today we looked at the difference. Between preparing to deal with money and actually coming into contact with it. We named the way research, planning, learning, and getting ready can feel like progress, even when the real steps for progress are still waiting. And we gave your system a chance to feel what happens when you imagine taking those concrete steps. You learned that unpleasant reactions in your body aren't a reason to stop. They're useful information. They show you where the reset is needed if things are really going to change. This coming week, the practice is simple. Take the first concrete step with the money action you brought to mind earlier. Let it be simple, let it be imperfect, but let it count. Before you go, if this episode names something you recognize in yourself, the most helpful thing you can do for this show right now is to leave a rating on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It takes about 30 seconds, and it's how the show finds the next woman who needs it. Thanks so much, if you will. I really appreciate it. In the next episode, we're going to go underneath the vow. Not just look at what's there and where it shows up, but where it came from and how it has rippled through your life. We'll begin building the foundation for what needs to come next if your future is to be of your own making. This is the rhythm of money. And you are living your true note in this very moment.